Love Hurts.

So I tend to stay away from blogging about matters of the heart, but there is no escape from the way I feel other than airing it out for you all to read. Here goes...

I love my daughter. very very much. I am so amazingly blessed with her. She truly is the most wonderful thing to happen to my life. I hope that as she grows up, she knows just how much I love her and that I would do anything, ANYTHING, for her.

While I was pregnant, after I knew for certain I was going to be a single mom, (I probably knew deep down this would be the case, but chose to hold out that maybe just maybe a certain person would come around), I lost all desire for a romantic relationship. I finally was able to let go of the need I had held onto for such a long time of needing the affection of a male. I let God fill that void in my life, and I was happy and free for the first time in a long, long time.

Not that I am not happy now, but now as MG gets older (yes, i realize the baby bear is only 3 months old, but still), she needs me less and less. And eventually, even though it will be a long time from now, she won't really need me at all. Then, again, I will be by myself. This thought has been creeping into my head. Satan is all over me I guess. He's got me thinking that because I have a baby, no man will ever want to date me, let alone marry me. Which is absolutely false. While I wouldn't change a thing about anything that has happened in the past year, I would like to grow old with someone who loves me and Molly Grace and I would like MG to know some sort of father figure.

My heart hurts a little thinking about how this. I will be okay. I just needed to write my thoughts down and let God work in my life. Make him my boyfriend and MG's father. He has a plan over my life that is bigger and better than anything that I could dream of.

While sitting at my desk, wondering if I'll ever know what is like to go on a "hot date" again, I looked up and saw an index card in which I had wrote on my first week of work that says, "Trust in HIS timing". So that is what I will do. I will trust in him and wait patiently. He gave me the greatest gift anyone ever could have given me, which is the ability to be a mother to Molly Grace. So I'm sure he has something wonderful up his sleeve for me that is yet to come.

Love,

Mary Beth